sleepwalk act one
SLEEPWALK
[CAROLYN AND JOE ARE IN BED]
CAROLYN-OH JOE! TONIGHT WAS GREAT! GOOD NIGHT.
JOE-[A VOICE OVER] MAYBE I SHOULD TELL HER. . .NO! I GOT THIS FAR. . .OH WELL!
[ON OTHER SIDE OF TURNTABLE]
L.MICKY-DEAR JOURNAL TODAY WAS AMAZING! I GOT A 97 ON A MATH TEST! MY MOM IS OUT NOW, AND I AM GOING TO BED.
BED-YEAH YOU ARE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?
A CLOCK-9:53
L. MICKY-ALRIGHT GUYS! WELL MY BROTHER JOE IS HAVING HIS GIRLFRIEND SLEEPOVER. UGH!
JOURNAL-HE BETTER RECOGNIZE!
BED-LITTLE MICKY GO TO BED. . .
JOURNAL-HEY YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE!
A CLOCK-IT’S 9:55!
ALL OBJECTS-LITTLE MICKY GO TO BED!
L. MICKY-OKAY. SIGNED LITTLE MICKY. [PUTS JOURNAL DOWN AND ROLLS TO RIGHT SIDE OF BED. SILENCE]
[TURN-TABLE ROTATES]
PILLOW-I’M SO COMFY! REST YOUR HEAD ON ME!
BLANKET-HE IS RESTIN’ HIS HEAD ON YOU!
PILLOW-OH BLANKET! YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE. OH-YEAH!
BLANKET-WELL, I’M ACTUALLY ON A GUY FOR ONCE!
PILLOW-EEW! YOU KNOW HE CAN HERE [CAROLYN GETS UP AND GOES TO THE BATHROOM] YOU-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOT-HOOT-HOOT. . .
BLANKET-NICE SAVE GENEOUS. . .
PILLOW-YOU HAVE NO IDEA!
CAROLYN-JOE, YOUR SINK IS MISSING. . .[SHE IS VERY TIRED/GO INTO BED]
PILLOW-PHEW! THAT WAS CLOSE! [VERY LOUD]
CAROLYN-WHO’S THERE?
BLANKET-GOOD JOB! WE ALMOST GOT CAUGHT!
PILLOW-WELL WO’S FAULT IS THAT?
BLANKET-[WAIT A FEW SECONDS] IT’S YOUR FAULT!
PILLOW-OH. . .[NO DIALOUGE FOR A FEW MOMENTS]
BLANKET-PILLOW? . . . . . . . . . . . . .OKAY THEN. . . . .. . . . . . . .GOOD NIGHT. . .
[JOE PUSHES BLANKET TO THE EDGE OF THE BED AND THROWS PILLOW INTO A WALL OR OFF STAGE. JOE GETS OUT OF BED]
PILLOW-OW! I’M HIT!
BLANKET-I’VE BEEN DUMPED!
PILLOW-AWWWWWWWWWW, POOR BLANKET.
BLANKET-SHUT UP! JOE IS ON THE “WALK” AGAIN!
JOE-[PICKS UP PILLOW AND BLANKET, HE IS SLEEPTALKING AND SLEEPWALKING] YES I LIKE ICE CREAM TOO. . .
[TURN-TABLE ROTATES]
L.MICKY-[WAKING UP] HEY ALARM CLOCK, WHAT TIME IS IT?
A CLOCK-10:01
L.MICKY-WHAT? I’VE BEEN ASLEEP A WHOLE SIX MINUTES?
A CLOCK-10:02
JOURNAL-TICK-TOCK. . . DO YOU MOVE ANY SLOWER?
A CLOCK-NOPE. . .
BED-HEY! I’M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP!
L MICKY-WHAT’S THE POINT?
BED-MICKY, GO TO BED!
L MICKY-I THINK HE’S “WALKING” AGAIN!
JOURNAL-WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?
JOE-[SLEEPTALKING] NO! DON’T TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS! HE’S USING YOU!
JOURNAL-OH. . .
BED-MICKY, COVER UP YOUR EARS! [HE COVERS UP HIS EARS]
JOE-PENIS!
JOURNAL-OH MY GOD! THIS IS A CHILDREN SHOW!
BED-A CHILDREN’S WHAT?
JOE-I LOST MY VIRGINITY WHEN I WAS-
[EXTREMELY FAST]
BED-QUICK CLOSE THE DOOR! [L MICKY RUNS AND CLOSES IT]
L MICKY-PHEW!
JOURNAL-YOU KNOW THEY SHOULD RATE THIS FOR AGES 10 AND UP! IT’S RATED FOR ALL AGES 5 AND UP!
A CLOCK-ITS 10:30. . .
L MICKY-23 MINUTES ALREADY?
JOURNAL-TIME GOES BY FAST WHEN YOU’RE HAVING FUN.
L MICKY-I’M GONNA GO BACK TO BED.
BED-YOU TRY TO DO THAT.
L MICKY-GOOD NIGHT [FALLS ASLEEP]
[JOE ENTERS]
JOE-I WUV YOU MORE THAN BUNNY WABBITS. . .
BED-WHAT?!?!
JOURNAL-LITTLE MICKY, DON’T LOOK WHO’S AT YOU DOOR!
JOE-COME AND GIVE ME A HUG MOMMY!
[STROBE LIGHTS AND DISCO BALL START/COME OUT, IN COME PILLOWS AND BLANKETS, L. MICKY RISES IN FRIGHT AND CONFUSION]
L MICKY-WHAT THE HECK? ALARM CLOCK, WHST’S GOING ON?
A CLOCK-IT’S 11:45
L MICKY-THANKS, YOU’RE A LOT OF HELP. . .JOURNAL, WHAT’S GOING ON?
JOURNAL-JOE IS GOING OUT OF CONTROL. . .
BED-GO AWAY!
PILLOW-HELP! HE’S PULLING ME IN!
BLANKET-I HATE MY LIFE. . .
PILLOW-WHO DOESN’T HATE YOUR LIFE?
BLANKET-[LOUD GIRLY SHRILL.SCREAM] LET GO OF ME! I HAVE A 12 O’CLOCK CLEANING!
PILLOW-I HAVE A FLUFFING DUE TO HAPPEN RIGHT NOW!
JOE-MOMMY, GIVE ME KISSES!
L MICKY-OH MY! AHHHHH!! JOE STOP!
JOE-BROWNIES FROM THE TOILET? MMM…YUMMY!
BED-DON’T YOU BE MAKIN’ BROWNIES IN HERE!
JOURNAL-BOY YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE!
BLANKET-OW! HE’S HURTING MY BUTT!
PILLOW-OW…MY HEAD! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU. . .?
[BY NOW, ALL CHARACTERS HAVE PROBLEMS THE NEXT DIALOUGE HAPPENS AT THE SAME TIME]
JOE-GIVE ME KISSES! GIVE ME MY TEDDY! GIVE ME LOTS OF CHOCOLATES! MMM. . .MORE BROWNIES!
L MICKY-GET OUT OF MY ROOM! SHUT UP! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP! WHAT THE HECK!
JOURNAL-OH…NO YOU DIDN’T! NO! NO! YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE! SHUT UP! DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!
BED-WHY IS THERE ALL THIS CHAOS HAPPENIN’ IN HERE? OKAY! NO! NO! EVERYONE JUST GET OUT! GET OUT! UGH!
A CLOCK- 12:00! 12! 12! 12!! 12! 12! 12! 12! 12! 12!
PILLOW-AHH! I’M MISSING MY APPOINTMENT! ALL THE BLOOD IS RUSHING TO MY HEAD! OWW! UGH!
BLANKET-I’M LATE! NO! NO! NO! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE MY LIFE! I’M GETTING RUG BURN!
ALL-[RIGHT INTO IT] WHY IS THERE SO MUCH CHAOS?!?!?!?
[EVERYONE JUMPS ONTO ONE ANOTHER, A BIG FIGHT BREAKS OUT]
INTERMISSION (15 MINUTES)
Posted by mattheww810
at 4:41 PM EDT