The Things I Can and Cannot Do...The Musical Review
From the Author of the Plays 'Gossip' 'Witch' 'The Raven' and many others, comes a brilliant Musical..."The Things I Can and Cannot Do..." By Matthew Weinstein.

A Jewish Boy and His Father live with three African Americans (which consists of two daughters named Anne and June, and their Mother Martha). The boy (Peter) has a big relationship with Martha and her children in the year 1944 in Europe when the Holocaust is dying down and the civil rights segregations are kicking in, the story is about life and struggle for the family.

I think it's the most Brilliant thing I've ever written. It's powerful, emotional, the music is amazing, and very vocal. It's basically saying, this is what is happening in this time period to these people. ALthough it took all summer to write, it came out to be one of my favorite and best plays. This play will never leave my mind. And now that I have recorded the songs onto a tape, and will soon figure out how to get them onto a CD and later on in my career produce this and make an original cast recording. The play is only a few minutes long with an intermission. But, in the end, it's worth seeing! When I am done typing it up and editing it, it will be on this website!

That's all for now! I have to go to dinner! Bye bye for now!

Matt

Catching Up...
Hi Guys!

It's been a while since I posted so I thought I'd tell you what I've been up to in the past month.

Well, I celebrated all the Holidays and went on a New Years Cruise. I wrote a really wise play called "The Raven" Based on the Poem by Edgar Allan Poe. My friend and I have started to conduct music for it. It's brilliant! It has a lot of emotions in it which makes it easier to write songs. It's fun!

Rudolph closed Sunday December 18th 2005 at around four o' clock...which I have been ticked off about lately. I miss my friends so much. But, I am doing another play...hopefully I will make it...Little Red Ridinghood The Musical Version. Then I will audition for The Sound of Music. As weird as it seems...I dropped out of the School play...after getting no role, and having to be in the most retarted play ever written. It's cheesy and corny and I am too busy..."How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying".

Well THat's just about it...Oh yeah...My Bar Mitzvah is this year...September 16th...here is the Gossip Music!!!

all poetry
http://allpoetry.com/poets/numba1playwright810 this is my Allpoetry with poems and plays

ME!!
I was Born August 10th to a Jewish family in New Jersey. My mom and dad two years before had my older brother (name will not be posted for safety reasons). Not much I can remember about my childhood, so i will just skip to my big break (well sort of). When i was 3rd grade i joined chorus at "Brunswick Acres Elemenetry School" (BAS). I loved singing right away, but still i was nervous to sing infront of family members! (UGH!) Over the summer i made my BIG BREAK (in theatre at least). I attended summer camp at 'The Villagers Theatre' in Somerset. I made my 'solo' of a lifetime singing 'Home' from "The Wiz". I absolutly fell in love with the theatre and when 4th grade came around, I auditioned for the school play 'The Wizard of OZ' and planted the role of the Wizard! The show was AMAZING!! Except on the second show, my microphone was accidentally turned off! I had to progect so much! Later in the ending of the year, i wrote my first play 'Triumphant Horror'. I was trying to make it a reality, but it didn't work out as i expected. After this year, i went straight to the Villagers again for year II! Once again, i got a solo singing 'Mr. Celophane' from 'Chicago'! In 5th grade, i auditioned for the schools 'Select Chorus' (made it of course) and the school play (again) 'Annie Jr.'. I got the role of 'Drake the Butler'. That year i wrote a phenomenal twisty play called 'The Ruby Red Hearts'. The play was about Belle and Snow White, and how their stories blend and all fit in. It's as if it's saying "but these character's are over here doing this". Over the summer back to Villagers! The show was about "cartoons". I played Barney Rubble and in a silent movie thing, i played the evil villain (LOL!) When i made it to 6th grade, i made the school's 'Vocal Ensemble' and 'Barbershop Ensemble'. I did audition for the school play 'Guys and Dolls' but if you were thinking i was getting a lead role, i didn't. But i auditioned for a show with the 'New Jersey Reperatory Theatre' (Wizard of OZ...again and the role as the WIZARD AGAIN!!!) **If you are thinking about how long this is, yes it's almost over!!** I then made another *NJRT* show 'That's Show Biz VII' and got a lot of solo's singing songs from Chicago, Guys and Dolls, Grease, Hairspray, Wicked, and a lot more! Over this current summer, I wrote many plays and started a lot, but with my busy schedule, how can i write any. Some of there credits include Gossip, The Things I can and Cannot Do. . ., and started a lot and it would take a long time to write all of them. I also was Charlie Brown in a show at the Villagers show (about revivals). Now here I am special and talented in a show at the Villagers Theatre (a real show!) playing Doodle the Elf in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer". Wish me luck! You guys rock! ~Matt W

another warning
SLEEPWALK has a copyright and has some inappropriate lines.

it's rated for ages 8 and up (in it it says 5 and up and there's a discussion about it)

it is for ages 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8!!! and up

sleepwalk act one
SLEEPWALK

[CAROLYN AND JOE ARE IN BED]

CAROLYN-OH JOE! TONIGHT WAS GREAT! GOOD NIGHT.

JOE-[A VOICE OVER] MAYBE I SHOULD TELL HER. . .NO! I GOT THIS FAR. . .OH WELL!

[ON OTHER SIDE OF TURNTABLE]

L.MICKY-DEAR JOURNAL TODAY WAS AMAZING! I GOT A 97 ON A MATH TEST! MY MOM IS OUT NOW, AND I AM GOING TO BED.

BED-YEAH YOU ARE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

A CLOCK-9:53

L. MICKY-ALRIGHT GUYS! WELL MY BROTHER JOE IS HAVING HIS GIRLFRIEND SLEEPOVER. UGH!

JOURNAL-HE BETTER RECOGNIZE!

BED-LITTLE MICKY GO TO BED. . .

JOURNAL-HEY YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE!

A CLOCK-IT’S 9:55!

ALL OBJECTS-LITTLE MICKY GO TO BED!

L. MICKY-OKAY. SIGNED LITTLE MICKY. [PUTS JOURNAL DOWN AND ROLLS TO RIGHT SIDE OF BED. SILENCE]

[TURN-TABLE ROTATES]

PILLOW-I’M SO COMFY! REST YOUR HEAD ON ME!

BLANKET-HE IS RESTIN’ HIS HEAD ON YOU!

PILLOW-OH BLANKET! YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE. OH-YEAH!

BLANKET-WELL, I’M ACTUALLY ON A GUY FOR ONCE!

PILLOW-EEW! YOU KNOW HE CAN HERE [CAROLYN GETS UP AND GOES TO THE BATHROOM] YOU-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOT-HOOT-HOOT. . .

BLANKET-NICE SAVE GENEOUS. . .

PILLOW-YOU HAVE NO IDEA!
CAROLYN-JOE, YOUR SINK IS MISSING. . .[SHE IS VERY TIRED/GO INTO BED]

PILLOW-PHEW! THAT WAS CLOSE! [VERY LOUD]

CAROLYN-WHO’S THERE?

BLANKET-GOOD JOB! WE ALMOST GOT CAUGHT!

PILLOW-WELL WO’S FAULT IS THAT?

BLANKET-[WAIT A FEW SECONDS] IT’S YOUR FAULT!

PILLOW-OH. . .[NO DIALOUGE FOR A FEW MOMENTS]

BLANKET-PILLOW? . . . . . . . . . . . . .OKAY THEN. . . . .. . . . . . . .GOOD NIGHT. . .

[JOE PUSHES BLANKET TO THE EDGE OF THE BED AND THROWS PILLOW INTO A WALL OR OFF STAGE. JOE GETS OUT OF BED]

PILLOW-OW! I’M HIT!

BLANKET-I’VE BEEN DUMPED!

PILLOW-AWWWWWWWWWW, POOR BLANKET.

BLANKET-SHUT UP! JOE IS ON THE “WALK” AGAIN!

JOE-[PICKS UP PILLOW AND BLANKET, HE IS SLEEPTALKING AND SLEEPWALKING] YES I LIKE ICE CREAM TOO. . .

[TURN-TABLE ROTATES]

L.MICKY-[WAKING UP] HEY ALARM CLOCK, WHAT TIME IS IT?

A CLOCK-10:01

L.MICKY-WHAT? I’VE BEEN ASLEEP A WHOLE SIX MINUTES?

A CLOCK-10:02

JOURNAL-TICK-TOCK. . . DO YOU MOVE ANY SLOWER?

A CLOCK-NOPE. . .

BED-HEY! I’M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP!

L MICKY-WHAT’S THE POINT?

BED-MICKY, GO TO BED!

L MICKY-I THINK HE’S “WALKING” AGAIN!
JOURNAL-WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?

JOE-[SLEEPTALKING] NO! DON’T TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS! HE’S USING YOU!

JOURNAL-OH. . .

BED-MICKY, COVER UP YOUR EARS! [HE COVERS UP HIS EARS]

JOE-PENIS!

JOURNAL-OH MY GOD! THIS IS A CHILDREN SHOW!

BED-A CHILDREN’S WHAT?

JOE-I LOST MY VIRGINITY WHEN I WAS-

[EXTREMELY FAST]

BED-QUICK CLOSE THE DOOR! [L MICKY RUNS AND CLOSES IT]

L MICKY-PHEW!

JOURNAL-YOU KNOW THEY SHOULD RATE THIS FOR AGES 10 AND UP! IT’S RATED FOR ALL AGES 5 AND UP!

A CLOCK-ITS 10:30. . .

L MICKY-23 MINUTES ALREADY?

JOURNAL-TIME GOES BY FAST WHEN YOU’RE HAVING FUN.

L MICKY-I’M GONNA GO BACK TO BED.

BED-YOU TRY TO DO THAT.

L MICKY-GOOD NIGHT [FALLS ASLEEP]

[JOE ENTERS]

JOE-I WUV YOU MORE THAN BUNNY WABBITS. . .

BED-WHAT?!?!

JOURNAL-LITTLE MICKY, DON’T LOOK WHO’S AT YOU DOOR!

JOE-COME AND GIVE ME A HUG MOMMY!

[STROBE LIGHTS AND DISCO BALL START/COME OUT, IN COME PILLOWS AND BLANKETS, L. MICKY RISES IN FRIGHT AND CONFUSION]

L MICKY-WHAT THE HECK? ALARM CLOCK, WHST’S GOING ON?

A CLOCK-IT’S 11:45

L MICKY-THANKS, YOU’RE A LOT OF HELP. . .JOURNAL, WHAT’S GOING ON?

JOURNAL-JOE IS GOING OUT OF CONTROL. . .

BED-GO AWAY!

PILLOW-HELP! HE’S PULLING ME IN!

BLANKET-I HATE MY LIFE. . .

PILLOW-WHO DOESN’T HATE YOUR LIFE?

BLANKET-[LOUD GIRLY SHRILL.SCREAM] LET GO OF ME! I HAVE A 12 O’CLOCK CLEANING!

PILLOW-I HAVE A FLUFFING DUE TO HAPPEN RIGHT NOW!

JOE-MOMMY, GIVE ME KISSES!

L MICKY-OH MY! AHHHHH!! JOE STOP!

JOE-BROWNIES FROM THE TOILET? MMM…YUMMY!

BED-DON’T YOU BE MAKIN’ BROWNIES IN HERE!

JOURNAL-BOY YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE!

BLANKET-OW! HE’S HURTING MY BUTT!

PILLOW-OW…MY HEAD! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU. . .?

[BY NOW, ALL CHARACTERS HAVE PROBLEMS THE NEXT DIALOUGE HAPPENS AT THE SAME TIME]

JOE-GIVE ME KISSES! GIVE ME MY TEDDY! GIVE ME LOTS OF CHOCOLATES! MMM. . .MORE BROWNIES!

L MICKY-GET OUT OF MY ROOM! SHUT UP! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP! WHAT THE HECK!

JOURNAL-OH…NO YOU DIDN’T! NO! NO! YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE! SHUT UP! DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!

BED-WHY IS THERE ALL THIS CHAOS HAPPENIN’ IN HERE? OKAY! NO! NO! EVERYONE JUST GET OUT! GET OUT! UGH!

A CLOCK- 12:00! 12! 12! 12!! 12! 12! 12! 12! 12! 12!

PILLOW-AHH! I’M MISSING MY APPOINTMENT! ALL THE BLOOD IS RUSHING TO MY HEAD! OWW! UGH!

BLANKET-I’M LATE! NO! NO! NO! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE MY LIFE! I’M GETTING RUG BURN!

ALL-[RIGHT INTO IT] WHY IS THERE SO MUCH CHAOS?!?!?!?

[EVERYONE JUMPS ONTO ONE ANOTHER, A BIG FIGHT BREAKS OUT]

INTERMISSION (15 MINUTES)

WARNING!
I HAVE A WARNING! GOSSIP HAS SOME ADULT MATERIAL AND MAY BE INNAPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN UNDER 13. IT IS RATED PG-13 FOR SOME ADULT LANGUAGE AND THEMATIC EVENTS! THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION. . .

WITCH!
Witch
A Comedic Musical Written by Matthew Weinstein

Shnitza-It's time to cause mischief!
Witza-It's time to do bad things!
Telia-It's time...to use the bathroom! I'll be right back!
Witch-Oh that Telia.
Kratz-So Witch, where are we going tonight for haunting?
Shnitza-Well?
Witza-You did get a place right?
Witch-Of course dears!
Telia-UGH! (Off)
Kratz-Telia, keep it down in there! And don't flood the bathroom again like in the last millennium! We need to hire a plunger!
Telia-Ok! Sorry!
Shnitza-Don't mind her!
Witch-Yeah, you want to know why? (All nod) She wasn't potty trained until she was 3000 years old!
All- (Laughter)
Telia- (Flushing noise) I'm back from the bathroom! (Runs on stage) Witch, where are we going to haunting?
Witza-Yeah, where?
Shnitza-Tell us now!
Witch-we're going to China!
Shnitza-China?
Witch-Yes, China my pretty.
Telia-Wouldn't we have to go during our morning?
All except Telia-Of course you idiot!
Song: AT DAWN
TELIA-AT DAWN WE'LL STRIKE IN THE MIDST OF NIGHT!
KRATZ-WE'LL SCARE THE PANTS OFF OF ALL THOSE KNIGHTS!
WITZA-WITH FIREBALLS WE'LL STRIKE AT DAWN...AT DAWN!
WITCH-AT DAWN IT'LL TURN INTO NIGHT, WE'LL STRIKE WITH TERROR IN EYES!
SHNITZA-I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE WAISTING ALL OUR TIMES TRYING TO MAKE UP RHYMES!
ALL-AT DAWN, IT'LL TURN TO NIGHT! THEN, WE'LL ATTACK! WE'LL SCARE THEM OUT OF THIER OWN...UNDERWEAR! AT DAWN!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Telia-Wait, wouldn't we have dig?
Witch-Let's go!
(Grab Shovels/walk off/Blackout)
Mom-Good night son!

Dad-Yes, good night

Kid 1-Night mom, night dad!
Kid 2-Good night all.
Witch-(is outside of the house) House one, boogah boogah!
Kid 1-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Kid 2-What?
Kid 1-I saw a witch!
Kid 2-It was only a tree! Go to sleep.
Kid 1-Okay...but what's that behind you?
Kid 2-Nothing, probably a shadow or... (turns and sees witches who have snuck in) WITCHES!!!
Both-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mom-Boys keep it down...down...down...WITCHES! AHHH!!
Dad-Honey...be...be...be...WITCHES! (Screams like a little girl)
Family- AHHHHHHHHHHH! Witches-(Laughter)
(Blackout)
Shnitza-Did you see the look on her face?
Witza-Who? The mom or the dad?
All-(Laughter)
Telia-I can't believe we scared that many people all at once!
Kratz-Yeah, but why were they screaming, and scared, when we hardly did anything?
Witch-It was your nose!
Kratz-No, your butts twin!
Witch-Well you're so ugly, you make Michael Jackson look good! And that's saying somethin'!
Shnitza-Oh, she got you!
Witza-Oh yeah!
Telia-My poo is better looking than you!
Witch-Now THAT was good!
Kratz-(cries)
Witch-No! Don't cry! You'll-(she melts)-melt yourself.
Telia-Woah!
Witza-She died.
Witch-(She says it like nothing happened) Oh-no...so, do you want to go to India next?
Shnitza-Too Indian!
Witch-Taiwan?
Witza-to Taiwanese!
Witch-Mexico?
Telia-Too Mexican!
Witch-Then where should we go?
Witza-Europe!
All-Yeah!
("Europe" is not in this script)

(Blackout)
Shnitza-Which country should we go to first?
Witch-(in an English accent) England my dear!
Telia-Why there?
Witch-I needed a pit stop! Come on girls, let's get a hot dog!
Victim 1-AHHHHHHHHH!!! Witches!
Victim 2-No, it’s Godzilla!
Victim 1-OOO, where?
Victim 2-There!
Victim 1-No, that’s a billboard of Godzilla.
Victim 2-Well then that means there are really w, w, w, WITCHES!
Both-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Witch-Is my face really that ugly?
Shnitza-The world may never know.
Witch-Shut up you jellybean eater!
Witza-(gasp)
Telia-That must have been very insulting…
Shnitza-It was you water drinker!!!
Witch-Hush up girls! We need to go other places.
Shnitza-Hey Telia, you got a little ketchup there. I’ll just wipe it off with some water!
Telia-No!! Not the face! AHHHHHHHH!! (Melts)
Witza-It’s the apocalypse! Run for your life! (She runs off)
Witch-Witza Stop! Come back! (Points at nose) This is all your fault!
(BLACKOUT)
Witch-Witza, Witza, where on earth are you?
Good Witch-Stop!
Witch-(Runs past her and pushes her) Get out the way!
Good Witch-Okay! I like dolls and talking about random things! It’s really odd-d-d-d-d!!
Witch-Have you ever gone to war?
Good Witch-Yes I have! Why?
Witch-What’s your favorite phrase from war?
Good Witch-I don’t have one.
Witch-Well mine is…fall back…fall back!
Good Witch-Okay! (Falls) OW!!
Witch-Good-bye miss literal!
Good Witch-Wait! Could you, well, uh, help me up?
Witch-NO!
Good Witch-Please!
Witch-Well, maybe, uh…NO!!!
Good Witch-But, but, but…
Witch-My answer still is no!
Good Witch-But I hurt my back…and I (breathe) think (breathe) I’m (breathe) Having (breathe) an (breathe) asthma (breathe) attack!! (She gasps for air)

Witch-No!
Good Witch-But I’m dying!
Witch-Who cares?
Good Witch-Well you’re not very nice!
Witch-Well, what did you expect? I’m a Witch. Who’d you think I was? Santa Claus?
Good Witch-Well uh…yes.
Witch-Will you shut up and help me find someone if I help you up?
Good Witch-What’s in it for me?
Witch-I just told you!!!
Good Witch-Told who what?
Witch-Oh my great water drinker, this is hopeless!!! I’m outta here! (stomps off stage left)
Good Witch-(stands up with ease) Well good riddance to you too! (Stomps off stage right)
(BLACKOUT)
Witch-Shnitza?
Shnitza-Yes, that’s my name!
Witch-What was the purpose of you killing Telia?
Shnitza-She was getting on my nerves
Witch-That doesn’t mean you have to go around killing people…or witches!!!
Shnitza-well I’ve made a new friend who loves the new me!
Witch-Who?
Shnitza-(whistles) Ma’am, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, the DEVIL!
Witch-Oh, crud!
Devil-Hello ma’am! (the devil turns out to be a dork. Witch is shocked…horrifying music plays and he walks on small and geeky)
Witch-uh, how do you do?
Devil-Fine you?
Witch-Same…Shnitza, how is he your boyfriend?
Shnitza-Watch…how dare you call me a water drinker!
Witch-But I didn’t call you a…a…a…
Devil-Roar! (Shoves her to the ground)
Witch-Ow! I didn’t even call you a water drinker!
Devil-She said it again!
Witch-Water drinkers DE-SPELL!!
Devil-(Becomes geeky) E=MC2, but what would happen if x 2 y and y = 2 but z = y?
Witch-Back to normal!
Shnitza-How can you tell?
Devil-She’s right, and I am tearing us apart!
Shnitza-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Runs off)
Devil-Can you make me hot?
Witch-NO!
Devil-Water Drinker!
Witch-Frog!!!
Devil-ribbit…

Witch-Never push love, with a witch!
(BLACKOUT)
Angel-I am an Angel! Helper of God, the rival of the Devil.
Witch-Who cares?
Good Witch-I do!
Angel-Not her!
Witch-You know her?
Angel-Know her, she’s uh, my, uh, my mother…
Witch-What the heck? Your mother? Man Europe is wack!
Angel-Yeah, in know. And yes she is my mother…
Good Witch-I’m not just any mom. I’m super MOM!!!
Angel-Can it! I know where you friends are.
Good Witch-They’re up your butt!
Witch-Thank you…wait, WHAT!?!?
Good Witch-Heh, heh, heh! Just kidding.
Angel-They’re being sent to Witch Court!
Good Witch-NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Witch-Why does it matter to you?
Good Witch-Why does what matter to who?
Angel-Mom, SHUT UP!
Good Witch-whose mom?
Angel-YOU!
Witch-Oh my Great Water Drinker! Dipped Lips!
Good Witch-(Sounds like she’s talking but can’t)
Angel-Finally, you’ve done what I have wanted to do my whole life. Back to Witch Court…the prosecutor is the Devil!
Witch-(Laughter)
Angel-What?
Witch-The Devil! He’s hypnotized as a frog. There’s no way he’s that bad.
Angel-And it gets worse! He went to College!
Witch-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Not College! Please not college! Say it ain’t so!
Angel-Oh, I’m afraid it’s so. And it gets worse! They’re in…in…in…
Witch-What?
Angel-White dresses
Witch-Oh-No! Please no more!
Angel-We have to go!
Witch-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
(Gets dragged off by ANGEL, BLACKOUT)
Devil-I call Telia to the stand.
Telia-Fine.
Devil-Telia, is it true that you scare people?
Telia-Yes, yes it is.
Devil-And is it true that you work with Witch?
Telia-Yes

Devil-And is it also true that everyday you go to the bathroom?
Telia-Oh-yeah!
Devil-Well guess where all that goes! On my head! Your honor I, oh wait, we don’t have a judge.
Witch-Yes, we do! (Walks on from off) Me!
Devil-She’s hot so hot. Yet so evil!
Witch-Devil, do us all a favor…
Devil-Does it involve kissing?
Witch-NO!
Devil-What might it be then?
All-SHUT UP!
Telia-Can I go to my seat?
Witch-Yes. There’s no point in having my dearest friends be judged!
Devil-You didn’t go to college did you?
Witch-That’s none of your business! We need to get Shnitza here! Telia and Kratz, should be set free! And since I’m the judge, I accept this, well thing. (Slams hammer) I’ve always wanted to do that!
Telia-Shnitza is the evil one! She killed me!
Kratz-Shnitza and the rest of you made me cry myself to death. I melted, which is kind of funny…
Witch-No you didn’t. Watch this video found. Shnitza secretly threw water at you. Shnitza is the villain!! And we have to find her!
Devil-I’ll help you find her. Even if it takes the ribbit…ribbit…ribbit!
Witch-Now, Angel will go with Kratz. Good Witch with Devil and Telia’s with me.
Witza-Wait…! ...You forgot me!
Witch-Witza, where the heck were you?!?!
Witza-After I ran all that time; I got a hot dog just like you said.
Witch-Oh my goodness, you’re strange. You’ll come with me and Telia so we can capture Shnitza!
Witza-Hooray!
(BLACKOUT)
CHASE SCENE
(KID 1 AND KID 2 WALK ON.
TELIA, KRATZ, AND WITZA WALK ON AND SCARE THEM OFF.
ANGEL, GOOD WITCH, AND DEVIL WALK ON AND DISIPLINE THEM (WAVE FINGER AND YELL)
VICTIM 1 AND 2 WALK ON AND TALK ABOUT GODZILLA, THEY SPOT SHNITZA AND CHASE AFTER HER.
MOM AND DAD SCREAM LIKE LITTLE GIRLS AND CHASE AFTER HER.
SHNITZA COMES ON AND RUNS IN ANOTHER DIRECTION.
EVERYONE BUT WITCH CHASE HER.
WITCH IS IN A BEAUTIFUL BLACK DRESS AND IS “FLYING”.
SHE DIVES TO SHNITA AS SHE IS CHASED BY THE CAST.)

Witch-That’ll teach you not to go around killing people!
All-WITCHES!

Witch-Alright! Give me the water!
Shnitza-Please no, not the water!
Witch-It’s what you deserve!
Shnitza-Awh man! (Real water pours on her and she dies)
All-Hooray she’s dead!
Witch-And that’s that!
THE END!

GOSSIP!
GOSSIP
By Matt and Nikki
------------------------------------Overture-----Gossip----------------------------------------
Amy-When life is a bore...you should know what to do!
All-Talk about Gossip!
Amy-Yes you should! It's all like a chat room online!
All-Talk about Gossip!
Amy-You know it's the place to start...because it's Gossip!
All-Gossip gossip gossip! Gossip gossip gossip! Gossip...Yeah!
Amy-We'll talk Gossip! Cause it's the way to go!
All-Go ask Amy why! She's the starter of it all!
Amy-Oops! -Spoken- maybe I should stop-naeh!
All-Talk Gossip! It's the way to go! So...go...and
Amy-Tell it to the world!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girls Bathroom
Mauri-Hey girls!
Girls-Hi Mauri!
Julie-how is everyone’s everyday life?
Amy-Gossipalisious!
All-(laughter)
Amy-Hey you know what?
Debbie-What?
Amy-I have some juicy gossip today.
Mauri-Who's it about?
Julie-Is it about Professor G?
Amy-No. It's about that geek Tod in Science.
Mauri-What about him?
Amy-He likes Jenn in Math.
Julie-Ha! She's got triple the amount of popularity than that loser!
Amy-I know!
Debbie-Don't make fun of him because he’s smarter than you!
Amy-Well then do you have any gossip to share with us Debbie?
Debbie-Well...uh...no.
Amy-Then what are you doing here?
Debbie-Fine, I'll just go to Lunch.
Mauri-Hey guys it's getting pretty late, we should go to get some lunch too.
Julie-Are you just going to comfort your stupid best friend?
Mauri-She's not stupid! She's way more intelligent than you two combined!
Julie-Oh really...
Mauri-what's the square root of 7?
Julie-Uh...um...Amy...a little help!
Amy-I don't know! I suck like heck in math!
Mauri-7 doesn't have a square root. You guys really do suck at math!
Julie-Well at least we're more prettier than you are!
Mauri-You know what...I'm going to lunch. Debbie, wait up! (Runs out door until off stage).
Amy-Who does she think she is? Messing with me? I'm perfect! I'm...wait!
Julie-What?
Amy-Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Julie-Probably not...but what are you gonna do?
Amy-We can do anything to mess with her! We're smarter than she is...
Julie-No, we didn't even know that 7 didn't have a fricken square root!
Amy-No! We're smarter with our Gossip!!!
Julie-Oh! So what are we goin' to do?
Amy-Well we have to do something bad! Something evil...something...GOSSIPILISIOUS!!!
Julie-Forget about lunch! And besides they only have their crappy pizza today! And we have to study...our Gossiping!!!
Both-(Evil Laughter)
(END SCENE)
Football Field
John-Alright Gentlemen, get that heart pumping! We have the big game in a couple days, so we've got to get those plays perfect.
Richard-Come on, we've been working for a while John! It's too hard. If I do anymore, I'll pass out.
John-Oh well. Do you want to make it to the championships or not?
Peter-Guys, stop complaining. Hey, Paul, what are you doing?
Paul-I'm not doing this.
John-Come on! Drop and give me 50!
Paul-Sorry, I’m broke...
John-50 push ups genius!
Paul-I'm not doing it!
John-Well you should get started on them shouldn't you?
Paul-The hell with it. I quit!
John-You can't quit! We've came too far to have you quit now.
Paul-Too bad. I want to act!
John-Acting is for losers! You can't do this! We need you for the championships!
Peter-Let him go! He can do what he wants.
Richard-In fact I know what he wants to do. He wants to ask Amy out!
John-Well it's too late for that. It's me that's going out with her.
Richard-No! It's a rumor. A.K.A...Gossip!
Peter-Oh! That makes perfectly good sense!
John-Spread the word! We're gonna make Paul regret he ever quit my football team! Now, go!
(END OF SCENE)
Mauri’s Bedroom
Mauri-Debbie, I'm sorry about what happened to you today with those whores.
Debbie-No biggy. We all know that they suck, like suck at everything.
Mauri-Yeah except gossiping.
Debbie-Why can't they just leave us alone?
Mauri-They're girls and they don't know when enough is enough.
Debbie-You know when I said that I was going to get lunch, I actually went to...go try out for cheerleading.
Mauri-Oh don’t feel bad. There's always next year.
Debbie-I made the team.
Mauri-That's funny, I thought you said you made the team.
Debbie-I did!
Mauri-O...oh.
Debbie-Don't tell anyone. I want it to be a surprise for that bitch Amy.
Mauri-Okay, I won't tell a single soul.
Debbie-Pinky swear?
Mauri-Pinky swear!
Debbie-You're my best friend Mauri!
Mauri-I know!
Debbie-(They hug as best friends as the audience laughs at the joke). Hey, you want to get a drink at the Diner?
Mauri-Sure!
Debbie-We better hurry if we wanna catch the early bird special!
(They grab their coats and head out the door. As they walk off stage Julie who has snuck in, and she reveals herself from under the bed. She overheard the conversation and starts to laugh. She then goes to the window, unlocks it, continues to laugh, and climbs out of the window.)
Julie-Amy's Kitchen, here I come!
(END OF SCENE)
----------------------------------------Gossip Reprise----------------------------------------------------
Amy-Life is no longer a bore...because of the Gossip!!!
Julie-Yeah, Debbie, she's on the squad...who knew...that deep inside her was a side we never knew!
Amy-We used Gossip!
Julie-Now there's nothing left to do...
Amy-(spoken) yes, actually, there is!
Julie-(spoken) What?
Amy- (sung) (She raps) First, we’ll gather the group. Next, we’ll tell them the news. Then we’ll sit back and watch!
Julie-Watch what? (Spoken)
Amy-The Gossip! (Sung) It's the only way to go! Gossip, it's never let us down!
Julie-So, we've, got to...
Amy- Talk Gossip..
Both-Yeah!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amy’s Kitchen “The Diner”
Mauri-Hey look, there's Amy and Julie...and Paul!
Debbie-Mauri, question. If you hate Julie and Amy so much, why are you saying, (in funny girly voice), "Hey look, there's Amy and Julie!"?
Mauri-They're waving for me to come over. Be right back. (She walks over to them) What do you guys want?
Amy-We overheard a story from a little birdie (they wink at each other). And we heard from this “birdie” that something has happened to Debbie.
Julie-Debbie, come here. How's cheerleading coming?
Debbie-What are you guys talking about? Um, uh, a, I didn't start cheerleading.
Julie-Yes you did.
Amy-We heard from a little birdie.
Debbie-Mauri, you said you wouldn't tell anyone!
Mauri-But, I didn't tell anyone! I don't know how they found out!
Debbie-Shut the hell up! You suck more than they do! (Runs out crying).
Mauri-Debbie, wait! (She runs off after her).
Amy-We got her good!
Julie-We sure did!
Amy-Hey everyone, milkshakes on me!
Julie-It's good to be us!
Amy-Sure is!
Julie-Thank GOD for Gossip!
Both-(Evil Laughter)
(END OF SCENE)
Debbie-I can’t believe that bitch! Mauri, my best friend! She was the person that told? My life is fricken over! I can’t believe this shit! That whore! UCK! How dare she have the fricken nerve to torture me like this? She will pay for my embarrassment. But how? How can I get back at her? How can I ruin her life and everything in it?
(On the other side of the stage is Amy’s Kitchen. While Debbie freezes, Amy and Julie start a conversation.)
Amy-Did you see the look on her face? She like totally flipped out! She actually believed it!
Julie-Yeah! I feel proud that we’ve accomplished something big! So, let’s celebrate! Free food all day!
Amy-What are you doing? My Great Grandma’s restaurant is no going to have free food all the time! (To crowd) Just kidding!
Julie-Well sorry little miss perfect!
Amy-Are you mocking me?
Julie-No, not at all…hey everyone! Spread the word! Amy is going out with Tod!
Amy-Shut the heck up! (Slaps her)
Julie-Oh no you didn’t! (They break into a slapping fight as we go back to Debbie)
Debbie-I’ve got it! I’ll start gossiping about her and then everyone will laugh at her humiliation! It’s the perfect plan! (Tries to an evil laugh). I can’t be evil! Oh-well! Hahahahahaha!!!
Mauri- (knocks on her door) Debbie, it’s me! I have to talk to you!
Debbie-Go away!
Mauri-Please…you’re my best friend! I will never have a friend again as good as you.
Debbie-Oh don’t give me that crap!
Mauri-Please let me come in your room!
Debbie-What’s so important that you really have to tell me?
Mauri-I won’t tell you until you let me in!
Debbie-Fine! Come in! (Que. To enter)
Mauri-I didn’t tell Amy and Julie that you made the cheerleading squad. I guess they just found out somehow.
Debbie-Then tell me, how’d they find out?
Mauri-I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Debbie-Well then I suggest you leave my house and my life since you have no proof and embarrassed me in front of everyone at the Diner!!!
Mauri-You know what, I’m sick of your crap!
Debbie-I’m sick of you! Now get out of my house!
Mauri-All right. Good bye. And Debbie…
Debbie-What do you want?
Mauri-I’m sorry.
(END SCENE)
Richard-The word has been sent and the whole school now knows Paul’s “secret”!
John-I know! This is hilarious!! I can’t wait until Amy hears. Then she’ll totally kill him!
Amy- (She storms in) Where is Paul?
John-He’s in the auditorium practicing his audition for the school play “Annie”.
Amy-He’s going down!
John-(as she runs off stage right, John continues to talk to the guys) what I tell you! She’s gonna smack him! Let’s go down there and see!

(The scene changes as they walk about. Auditorium)
Amy-Paul! Come here!
Paul-What do you want? I’m practicing!
Amy-You’re talking to me! Now!! Get your butt over here!
Paul- (he walks over) What do you want?
Amy-Shut up and kiss me!

(The football players walk in.)

John-What the hell? Amy, what are you doing with that loser?
Amy-He loves me!
Paul-I do?
Amy-Yeah, you said it yourself to the guys on the football team!
Paul-Guys, did you have anything to do with this?
Players- (No, not at all, etc.)
Amy-Come on Paul, we’re leaving!
John-So what? You’re just going to leave me here or something?
Amy-I guess so! (She and Paul walk off with linked arms Stage left)
Richard-I can’t believe she actually believed the rumor we started about Paul liking Amy! And then she like totally flipped out on you! Classic! (Claps his hands and is laughing hysterically)
John-Shut up!
Richard-Sorry!

(END SCENE)

Mauri-Hey Julie…
Julie-Hi. Amy ditched me to go out with that loser Paul!
Mauri-Someone found out that Debbie was on the cheering squad and she like flipped out on me!
Julie-Oh…where is she now?
Mauri-She locked herself in her room. She is not coming to school today just to be embarrassed.
Peter- (he runs on stage left) Guys…Debbie…she…
Julie-locked herself in her room.
Mauri-we know!
Peter-No, she is dead.
Mauri-No…no…DEBBIE!!!…My best friend…no!! How could I let this happen to her? I’m such an ass-hole! How can I be so selfish by telling everyone her secret? I don’t even remember where or when I told anyone! I’m such a bitch!
Julie-Actually, I found out and told Amy, so we could get back at you for back sassing us on Monday. I know I’m a whore. You don’t have to remind me.
Mauri-It’s not about you. It’s about me. She trusted me. She believed in me to help with her problems. Now, my life is over. She was the only person I could talk too.
Julie-Well, now you have me.
Peter-And me!

(The three embrace as the curtain closes).


THE END